Vows

When others would ask me what you were like, your kindness always came to my mind

After a little over a year of being with you I have come to know both your genuine nature and your kindness

I have also come to know your dependability, your passion, your support, your spirituality, your understanding, your patience, your love

For these reasons I have chosen to bond myself to you, my life to yours

For these reasons my being was propelled towards yours and our lives entangled before our hearts and minds knew which way was up

For these reasons I promise you today, just as I have before, to lay everything at your feet and follow you , for these reasons I chose you for my family, to father my children, to carry me when I cannot carry myself

For these reasons I promise you that I will encourage your growth as marriage is a journey of constant evolution, I promise to help you know your fullness, to carry you when you cannot carry yourself, to love you always and without exception

The events that have shaped our lives thus far have led us to this place, to these people

And it is in this place, with these people that I’d be happy to marry you each and every day for the rest of our lives together

I love you

Diamonds

As we lay

-close as unassembled puzzle pieces lumped into a box

paper thin breath hangs between our lips

his tears come as perfect diamonds

collecting at lower lash and tumbling down cheeks

these diamonds communicate as our gift for words has failed

a glacier melts and pulls away from it's shore

we are sailing into blue, cold, open, endless possibilities

from the warm sun of where we thought we would be making our nest

strength to strength

a perfect circle of energy

from me to him

from him to me

I see in those most beautiful eyes

and feel with each touch of his steady hands

we can do this

as one

scolded

greedy

patience girl

you only get one

The Nature of Things

Love doesn't go
it evolves
it stays
it grows
Love doesn't go
it works its way in
quietly
passively
unexpectedly

thankfully

Loving the way each time we tangle we fit as puzzle pieces.

Unsuspected well of strength
joy
finding before looking
you found me
and I smile
knowing a stable truth
a steady good.

Nouvel Amour

Wanting to be ready,
knowing it might do me in,

I
step
forward.

I will die satisfied

Love finds me when I think I'm not looking
Love finds me when I think I'm not ready
Love finds me when I didn't ask for it
Love finds me on Her own timing

I was born of Love
I will live in Love
to Love
to be Loved

and I will die satisfied
knowing
sure
that I have Loved

I want to be that muse again

Christmas Eve you walked in the snow
beside the frozen interstate
miles to my door
you didn't even know I'd accept you there

I could have run to another country and
you would have met me

You were always there to scoop me up
feed me confidence
remind me of me

I laid all my possessions at your feet
I followed you
and you did the same
to the ends of the earth

it is silly of me to expect that love again
greedy and ungracious to be looking for it here

I can't follow you

affection

purposely
thoughtfully
I am in a moment
actively
precisely
recording it in my mind:
today it was your face
brand new
as a child upon waking
it was mingled contours
it was indecipherable bodies
it was the morning sun
filtering through my blinds
warming my face
painting our world gold

this is one of the moments I will chose to recall
when my grandchildren ask if I have had a happy life

this is the love that I have woven into my self

I am Love.

closing down-fuck no
lefty loosey- fuck yes
I can't turn off this glow
I am not the sad girl

I'm in love with the world
and it loves me back
so much love my little heart explodes
projects
redirects

Prudence rings

I know what I have to give
and I repeat what I've said before
I am one of the lucky bastards
who realizes
love reflects in mirrors

and those mirrors are my friends
my sisters
my daughter

I might fall off
I might be bruised
but I saddle up
I know the highest highs
and I'm not afraid to FEEL

feel good
feel sad
feel everything

tonight I feel loved
maybe not from the sources I pour mine
love begets love

it can't be helped
I can't turn it off

it pours
it ooozes
from somewhere inside

and I love to give it

tonight I feel low
and tonight I feel happy
my melodrama plays out
and I know no matter what

I win.

end
of
story

making perfect

practice being friends
practice ignoring the fire in my stomach
that IGNITES
each time we hang up, seperate

what exactly am I hiding away today
what may resonate by burying emotion
turning the spigot to the right
I worry about consequences

I may become like the rest
not out of want
but out of necessity

let's face it
priorities shift
and what I need right now is simplicity
routine
ambition
success

love can find me for a change

cross-referenced nighttime thinking might cause my brain to explode

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

I listen to you hang up...

my heart sinks

I ask the air

why is love the most important thing to me?
why does it matter above all else?

My head spins

I close my eyes 'til sleep comes.

What I want most:

to feel completely connected to another human

I remember how he asked me if he could crawl under my skin
spend the rest of his life there
and how I said yes

I remember feeling that with him by my side
I could do anything

We could bleed rocks

Feeling cheated out of family my thoughts spiral

It's easier to remember old pain
than to feel the new

Blasphemy

Love, go away
tight chest
shallow breathes
Love, go away
un-welcomed guest
Love, go away

I am done with you today.

i want to write about everything

i want you to take me canoeing
pack a picnic
gather the Hippies
head to Myakka

i want to drift past Alligators
discern an Egret from a Herron
an Ibis from a Spoonbill

i want to sit on a sandy bank
so still
so quiet
as to trick the hermit crabs out of their homes

i want to kiss

i want to wade in cool amber water
watch minnows chase breadcrumbs

i want to gather shells
for safe keeping

i want to bathe in sun
like lazy Snapping Turtles

i want to smell Spanish Moss
watch it swing from Cypress

i want to be inspired
by it
by us
by them

Each step is made in love.

Today I wonder,
does my past intimidate?
I once felt as used goods
then yesterday I realized
I've lived,
fully.
I think of all my possible paths,
the ways my life could've gone
the house in Carrollwood
the wedding at nineteen
the husbands
the five year old, the threes- children who could have been,
would have been if things had gone differently.
I think of the love-
so much love
given
received
taken.
Every choice mine,
theirs
(His?)...
every event
every step leading to today.
My life : woman, widow, mother, girlfriend.
I revolve around love
and continue to do so.

Each step is made in love
and the one thing we can know for certain
is nothing is ever certain.

thoughts so comforting

you came without a question
and I felt without a doubt
a comfort
a comfort this time last year I believed never existed
I am overwhelmed
with everything
with the love I've been given
with the love I continue to give
with the storm outside
with change
with the storm inside
with responsibility
with continuing to breathe

and now there is this feeling
so real
this feeling
that when you are near
I am home

I am overwhelmed
by comfort

and today, pain

lightening strikes the ground outside my door
I dare not go out

remembering your love

I met you as this bird
awaiting her moment of freedom
in a second I arose

you did not change me
you did not create me

you showed me
me

you saw in me what I could not

my mirror

you challenged me to trust in me

gave me the space to try it out,
to walk and stumble
to run, to crawl

to fly

Country Disappeared

Wake up we're here
It's so much worse than we feared
There's nothing left here
The country has disappeared
If the winter trees bleeding, leave red blood
The summer sweet dreaming, april blush
But none of that is ever gonna mean as much to me again.

Hold out your hand,
there's so much you don't understand
So stick as close as you can,
all of the best laid plans
You've got the white clouds hanging so high above you
You've got the helicopters dangling angling to shoot,
the shots to feed the hungry weekend news crew anchorman.

So every evening we can watch from above,
crushed cities like a bug
Fold ourselves into each others guts,
and turn our faces up to the sun.

I won't take no
I won't let you go
All by yourself
Oh no you need my help
When the cold night shakes you like a chandelier
The snowflakes break through the atmosphere,
and melt on the blue breath of the auctioneers and disappear.

Every evening we can watch from above,
crushed cities like a bug
Fold ourselves into each others blood,
and turn our faces up to the sun.

~Wilco