attempting friendship

is kinda like swallowing ice cubes
and I'm pretty sure they will melt eventually
turn to water
and slip right down

making perfect

practice being friends
practice ignoring the fire in my stomach
that IGNITES
each time we hang up, seperate

what exactly am I hiding away today
what may resonate by burying emotion
turning the spigot to the right
I worry about consequences

I may become like the rest
not out of want
but out of necessity

let's face it
priorities shift
and what I need right now is simplicity
routine
ambition
success

love can find me for a change

I listen to you hang up...

my heart sinks

I ask the air

why is love the most important thing to me?
why does it matter above all else?

My head spins

I close my eyes 'til sleep comes.

Blasphemy

Love, go away
tight chest
shallow breathes
Love, go away
un-welcomed guest
Love, go away

I am done with you today.

Thoughts on the first X

I wanna ask you
do you ever sit and wonder
it's so strange that we could be together
for so long and never know never care
what goes on in the other one's head
things i thought that i never said
you said things that i never said so
i'll say something that i should have said
long ago

You don't know me
You don't know me at all
You don't know me
You don't know me at all
You don't know me
You don't know me at all
You don't know me

You coulda just propped me up at the table like a mannequin
or a cardboard standup and give me
any face that you wanted me to be seen
we're damned by the existential moment
when we saw the couple in the coma
and it was weakened witht he cliche
but we carried on anyway

so sure i could just close my eyes
yeah sure trace and memorize
but can you go back once you know

you don't know me
you don't know me at all

if i'm the person who you say i am
clueless chump you seem to think i am
so ? let it straight and your'e a dog
who cassionally escapes and needs a shorter leash
i thought would you want me back
maybe it's because...

you don't know me at all

you don't know me
you don't know me at all

so i think i'm tryna say this
what i'm tryna tell you is
not gonna come out right
don't wanna say it cause i know you'll only change it (change it, change it)

lyrics by Ben Folds