affection

purposely
thoughtfully
I am in a moment
actively
precisely
recording it in my mind:
today it was your face
brand new
as a child upon waking
it was mingled contours
it was indecipherable bodies
it was the morning sun
filtering through my blinds
warming my face
painting our world gold

this is one of the moments I will chose to recall
when my grandchildren ask if I have had a happy life

this is the love that I have woven into my self

I am Love.

closing down-fuck no
lefty loosey- fuck yes
I can't turn off this glow
I am not the sad girl

I'm in love with the world
and it loves me back
so much love my little heart explodes
projects
redirects

Prudence rings

I know what I have to give
and I repeat what I've said before
I am one of the lucky bastards
who realizes
love reflects in mirrors

and those mirrors are my friends
my sisters
my daughter

I might fall off
I might be bruised
but I saddle up
I know the highest highs
and I'm not afraid to FEEL

feel good
feel sad
feel everything

tonight I feel loved
maybe not from the sources I pour mine
love begets love

it can't be helped
I can't turn it off

it pours
it ooozes
from somewhere inside

and I love to give it

tonight I feel low
and tonight I feel happy
my melodrama plays out
and I know no matter what

I win.

end
of
story

i want to write about everything

i want you to take me canoeing
pack a picnic
gather the Hippies
head to Myakka

i want to drift past Alligators
discern an Egret from a Herron
an Ibis from a Spoonbill

i want to sit on a sandy bank
so still
so quiet
as to trick the hermit crabs out of their homes

i want to kiss

i want to wade in cool amber water
watch minnows chase breadcrumbs

i want to gather shells
for safe keeping

i want to bathe in sun
like lazy Snapping Turtles

i want to smell Spanish Moss
watch it swing from Cypress

i want to be inspired
by it
by us
by them

a good day

begins as the sun rises
she eats her oatmeal
sips her soy
I make my coffee
pour the granola
we walk
listening to birds chirp
neighbors smile
nod
say hello
she giggles at the dogs in their yards
the birds in their trees
we find our park
do a lap
then swing
she smiles biggest when the breeze blows
we walk home to a small nap
I work, she sleeps
she wakes, we play
lunchtime comes
she washes her own hands
she brings me her flashcards
she brings me her blocks
she cuddles her duckie and says "nih-nih" when it's time to nap
she dreams
I clean
I plan
prepare dinner
she awakes and we visit the backyard
we snack and talk about the toys, trees, flowers, the cars that go by
dinner brings the whole house to the table
bathtime brings giggles
story time and bed come next
now mommy gets to rest

a perfect day would begin with smiles
and end with you

six. twenty-five.forty-seven

Forty-seven miles doesn't feel so far
when every south Florida sunrise is beautiful.

One constant I've found:
the sun always rises

and today that makes me glad

tempting more change

Today I ask:

Why do my happiness and sadness walk holding hands?
Why do grief and joy run circles around my knees like children at play?

Why if I take one in must I take them both?
Why if I let one out, do they run after one another?

This year, lets try experiencing happiness without sadness creeping in and overshadowing.
Let's try.

thoughts so comforting

you came without a question
and I felt without a doubt
a comfort
a comfort this time last year I believed never existed
I am overwhelmed
with everything
with the love I've been given
with the love I continue to give
with the storm outside
with change
with the storm inside
with responsibility
with continuing to breathe

and now there is this feeling
so real
this feeling
that when you are near
I am home

I am overwhelmed
by comfort

and today, pain

lightening strikes the ground outside my door
I dare not go out

listing

love
flowers
puppies
napping in a rainstorm
baby toes
dolphin sex
eskimo kisses
boyfriend clothes
freckles
hammocks
earlobes
treehouses
nightingales
tadpoles

Während mein Körper hier ist, ist mein Herz dort...

While my body is here, my heart is there...

Time spent waiting is a bittersweet garden.

Each moment spent apart
makes each moment spent in communion
much sweeter; more rare.

These obstacles are purely physical,
a test of our resources.

Honestly, seventy four miles has never felt so far away.

Kussi

Something like love stirs.

I think in poetry...

there is more beauty to be found in days that begin with you.

Enraptured

You have a way
of melting my stress
-my sorrows
by taking my hand.

You have a way
of kissing me
that blurs all else
and sets thoughts to swirling.

You have a way
of speaking so sweetly.
I'm happy to
simply sit near,
be still,
listen.

You have a way.

You have a way.

Peace

wake up with the sun
eyes wrinkle with smiles
the baby lays sleeping
dreaming of puppies and drums

she stirs
awaking happy
the three of us sneak off
a Sunday morning adventure
into your quiet town
to gather treats for our lovers and loved

as they lie sleeping
we cook
we teach
we learn
breakfast pulls their faces into view

this is it
the way life should be
surrounded by our loved and lovers

a full house of joy
a house made into a home
crafted by loving
crafted by the joining of souls

ironic how the day found us:
the men out in the yard changing a tire
the women huddled around the baby
bathing
swaddling
laying to nap

there is a peace in that home
and we are a piece of it

gladly so.

Daylight

I smell you on my clothes;
on my hands.

All voices scratch as cat claws on bedposts.
Their contrast is yours.

You linger here...

My hands, my tounge,
my thoughts desire to create
and gift.

I draw for you;
write you poems.

My heart translates foreign texts.
My brain picks up clues in the context.

Nerves are shot,
bleached by the penetrating white heat
of each morning spent rising with the sun.

Slightly frightened:
this desire for constant interaction.

Slightly overwhelmed:
these feelings, this joy have been foreign so long.

personal energy

in. ten. tion : to determine to act in a certain way

ac.tion : a thing done ; the accomplishment of a thing usually over a period of time, in stages, or with the possibility of repetition


With the best intentions
you try your best
but what happens when
your best isn't what I need
I find my energy stores are low
daily depleted by grief
life
taking care

I need a soul that will feed mine
send that energy back my way

I know
some point soon
I'm going to have to give you less
if your best
doesn't shine through

I know
I haven't given you much
just daydreams
just thoughts

Thinking and daydreaming make me smile
and so do you in the spirit of my honesty

I'm all
dry throats and shiny teeth

and I like it

a fake death

dreams trick
at least mine do
you showed up on my doorstep
you were crying and apologizing
I held you
I wrapped my arms around your head
my hands on your neck
you looked at me
you started to explain
someone was after you
they threatened your life
you had to disappear
but your home now

This Girl Part II

This girl
is ready

this girl
is saving her energy
and steering clear of drains

this girl
is running on a closed circuit system
and isn't going down
with any sinking ships

this girl
is brimming
with self satisfaction
and hope
and promise
love
and light

this girl
has a date with destiny

and as I told my friend
destiny waits for no woman

and as I told another friend
no one can love too much

lucky to the few who know
love springs from the inside
and reflects in mirrors

Lasting Impressions

photo courtesy of S~revenge
Last kisses are sneaky
little tender spies
variety unknown
until it's too late
until it's over

Ladies let this teach us
treat each kiss like your last
savor the sweet
live in each meeting of the lips

maintain your secret smile
with their memory

and tend to bruises another day

Know all your enemies

When you were young You were the king of
carrot flowers And how you built a tower
tumbling through the trees In holy rattlesnakes
that fell all around your feet And your mom
would stick a fork right into daddy's shoulder
And your dad would throw the garbage all
across the floor As we would lay and learn
what each other's bodies were for And this
is the room One afternoon I knew I could love
you And from above you how I sank into your
soul Into that secret place where no one dares
to go And your mom would sink until she was no longer speaking
And dad would dream of all the different ways to die Each one a
little more than he could dare to try I love you Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ I love you Yes I do And on the lazy days The dogs
dissolve and drain awayThe world it goes And all awaits The
day we are awaiting What a beautiful face I have found in this
place That is circling all round the sun What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen In a blink of an eye and be gone
from me Soft and sweet Let me hold it close and keep it here
with me And one day we will die And our ashes will fly from
the aeroplane over the sea But for now we are young Let us lay
in the sun And count every beautiful thing we can
see Love to be In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me Anna's
ghost all around Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through
me Soft and sweet How the notes all bend and reach above the trees
Now how I remember you How I would push my fingers through Your
mouth to make those muscles moveThat made your voice so smooth and
sweet And now we keep where we don't know All secrets sleep in
winter clothesWith one you loved so long ago Now he don't even know
his name What a beautiful face I have found in this place That is
circling all round the sun And when we meet on a cloud I'll be
laughing out loud I'll be laughing with everyone I see Can't
believe how strange it is to be anything at all Two headed boy All
floating in glass The sun it has passed Now it's blacker than black
I can hear as you tap on your jar I am listening to hear where you
are I am listening to hear where you are Two headed boy Put on
sunday shoes And dance round the room to accordion keys With the
needle that sings in your heart Catching signals that sound in the
dark Catching signals that sound in the dark We will take off our
clothes And they'll be placing fingers through the notches in your
spine Two headed boyWith pulleys and weights Creating a radio
played just for two In the parlor witha moon across her face
And through the music he sweetly displays Silver speakers that
sparkle all day Made for his lover who's floating and choking
with her hands across her faceAnd in the dark we will take off
our clothes And they'll be placing fingers through the notches in
your spine Two headed boy There is no reason to grieve The world
that you need is wrapped in gold silver sleeves Left beneath
Christmas trees in the snow And I will take you and leave you
alone Watching spirals of white softly flow Over your eyelids
and all you did Will wait until the point when you let go The
only girl I've ever loved Was born with roses in her eyes But
then they buried her alive One evening 1945 With just her sister
at her side And only weeks before the guns All came and rained on
everyone Now she's a little boy in Spain Playing pianos filled
with flames On empty rings around the sun All sing to say my dream
has come But now we must pick up every piece Of the life we used to
love Just to keep ourselves At least enough to carry on And now we
ride the circus wheel With your dark brother wrapped in white Says
it was good to be alive But now he rides a comet's flame And won't
be coming back again The Earth looks better from a star That's right
above from where you are He didn't mean to make you cry With sparks
that ring and bullets fly On empty rings around your heart The world
just screams and falls apart But now we must pick up every piece Of
the life we used to love Just to keep ourselves At least enough to
carry on And here's where your mother sleeps And here is the room
where your brothers were born Indentions in the sheets  Where their
bodies once moved but don't move anymore And it's so sad to see the
world agree That they'd rather see their faces fill with flies All
when I'd want to keep white roses in their eyes Sweet communist the
communist's daughter standing on the see-weed water semen stain the
mountaintops  with cocoa leaves along the border sweetness sings from every
corner cars careening from the clouds the bridges burst and twist around and
wanting something warm and moving bends towards herself the soothing proves that
she must still exist she moves herself about her fist sweet communist the communist
daughter standing on the see-weed water semen stains the mountain tops  Oh comely
I will be with you when you lose your breath chasing the only meaningful memory that
you thought you had left with some bright and bubbly terrible scene that was doing
her thing on your chest but oh comely it isn't as pretty as you'd like to guess oh comely
all of your friends are letting you blow bristling and ugly bursting with  fruits falling out
of the holes of some pretty bright and bubbly friend you could need to say comforting
things in your ear but oh comely there isn't such one friend that you could find here standing
next to me he's only my enemy I'll crush him with everything I own your father made fetuses
with flesh licking ladies while you and your mother were asleep in the trailer park  thunderous
sparks from the dark of the stadium the music and medicine you needed
for comforting so make all your fat fleshy fingers to moving and pluck all your silly strings
bend all your notes for me soft silly music is meaningful magical the movements were
beautiful all in your ovaries all of them milking with green fleshy flowers while powerful
pistons were sugary sweet machines smelling the semen all under the garden wall was
all you were needing when you still believed in me and I know they buried her body with
others her sister and mother and 500 families and she will remember me 50
years later I wish I could save her in some sort of time machine know all your enemies
we know who our enemies are goldaline my dear we will fold and freeze together far away
from here there is sun and spring and green forever but now we move to feel find ourselves inside
a stranger's stomach place your body here let your skin begin to blend itself with mine
Daddy please hear this song that I sing In your heart there's a spark that
just screams For a lover to bring a child to your chest that could lay as
you sleep And love all you have left like your boy used to be Long ago wrapped in
sheets warm and wet Blister please with those wings in your spine Love to
be with a brother of mine How he'd love to find your tongue in his teeth
In a struggle to find secret songs that you keep wrapped in boxes so tight
Sounding only at night as you sleep Brother see we are one in the same And
you left with your head filled with flames And you watched as your brains
fell out through your teeth push the pieces in place  Make your smile sweet
to see  Don't you take this away  I'm still wanting my face on your cheek
And when we break we'll wait for our miracle God is a place where some holy
spectacle lies  And when we break we'll wait for our miracle God is a place
you will wait for the rest of your life Two headed boy she is all you could
need She will feed you tomatoes and radio wires And retire to sheets safe and clean

But don't hate her when she gets up to leave

The "F" word

I set my head to spinning
convince myself it's ok
find a place to focus
and you'll keep from being dizzy

feel all the feelings
feel
all
feelings

ride the ride

invest
in
me

invest in happiness

let the spinning set me to smiling

swallow it up

these are the tough days
the rough days

the tenderest times

just get through
Red eyed and blue

pull it out
string the words on the line
air the laundry
let the neighbors see the stains

the broken bits
can be mended
once the spinning stops

I've been avoiding
Red rimmed eyes

they are like hers
but not so Silent

how many holes in this dam
before the whole thing crumbles
crashes
water rushing
crushing

will I drown?

with no one to save me
I better learn to float

face up
watch the sky
see the sun
feel the sun

let the stars lead
they shine like I should

like I used to
when I reflected you

can we still shine
with you so far away?

in our next life
when we fall again
please feel all the feelings


photo courtesy of DOS82

The way the morning greeted me today

walking outside
the warm breeze greeted
hello beautiful
is what it said
triumphantly
the sun bright as ever
shining
my eyes squint
and shut
feeling
wisps of hair
fingertip brushes
bellyskin is the softest of all
arms stretched up
warm cheeks
warming toes
I say good morning

smiles follow