honest

this bed is lonely
these sheets
this blanket
this body
these legs
this heart
this spirit is lonely
bonnaroo wine exaggerates

affection

purposely
thoughtfully
I am in a moment
actively
precisely
recording it in my mind:
today it was your face
brand new
as a child upon waking
it was mingled contours
it was indecipherable bodies
it was the morning sun
filtering through my blinds
warming my face
painting our world gold

this is one of the moments I will chose to recall
when my grandchildren ask if I have had a happy life

this is the love that I have woven into my self

ignorance

hey boy
come over here
I'll let you put your arms around me

hey boy
lets go for a stroll
I'll let you hold my hand

hey boy
forget what they told you

and stay the sickness away

Hochs und Tiefs

when things get quiet
I miss everything

I am Love.

closing down-fuck no
lefty loosey- fuck yes
I can't turn off this glow
I am not the sad girl

I'm in love with the world
and it loves me back
so much love my little heart explodes
projects
redirects

Prudence rings

I know what I have to give
and I repeat what I've said before
I am one of the lucky bastards
who realizes
love reflects in mirrors

and those mirrors are my friends
my sisters
my daughter

I might fall off
I might be bruised
but I saddle up
I know the highest highs
and I'm not afraid to FEEL

feel good
feel sad
feel everything

tonight I feel loved
maybe not from the sources I pour mine
love begets love

it can't be helped
I can't turn it off

it pours
it ooozes
from somewhere inside

and I love to give it

tonight I feel low
and tonight I feel happy
my melodrama plays out
and I know no matter what

I win.

end
of
story

making perfect

practice being friends
practice ignoring the fire in my stomach
that IGNITES
each time we hang up, seperate

what exactly am I hiding away today
what may resonate by burying emotion
turning the spigot to the right
I worry about consequences

I may become like the rest
not out of want
but out of necessity

let's face it
priorities shift
and what I need right now is simplicity
routine
ambition
success

love can find me for a change

single

“In the end we are all separate: our stories, no matter how similar, come to a fork and diverge."

We are born alone
we will die alone
it's the living business in between
that's hard to do alone
but I'm getting on with it

cross-referenced nighttime thinking might cause my brain to explode

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

Coffee induced reasoning :

Hope is important too.

I listen to you hang up...

my heart sinks

I ask the air

why is love the most important thing to me?
why does it matter above all else?

My head spins

I close my eyes 'til sleep comes.

What I want most:

to feel completely connected to another human

I remember how he asked me if he could crawl under my skin
spend the rest of his life there
and how I said yes

I remember feeling that with him by my side
I could do anything

We could bleed rocks

Feeling cheated out of family my thoughts spiral

It's easier to remember old pain
than to feel the new

Blasphemy

Love, go away
tight chest
shallow breathes
Love, go away
un-welcomed guest
Love, go away

I am done with you today.

lilies to comfort you

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Matthew 6:25-34

i want to write about everything

i want you to take me canoeing
pack a picnic
gather the Hippies
head to Myakka

i want to drift past Alligators
discern an Egret from a Herron
an Ibis from a Spoonbill

i want to sit on a sandy bank
so still
so quiet
as to trick the hermit crabs out of their homes

i want to kiss

i want to wade in cool amber water
watch minnows chase breadcrumbs

i want to gather shells
for safe keeping

i want to bathe in sun
like lazy Snapping Turtles

i want to smell Spanish Moss
watch it swing from Cypress

i want to be inspired
by it
by us
by them

a good day

begins as the sun rises
she eats her oatmeal
sips her soy
I make my coffee
pour the granola
we walk
listening to birds chirp
neighbors smile
nod
say hello
she giggles at the dogs in their yards
the birds in their trees
we find our park
do a lap
then swing
she smiles biggest when the breeze blows
we walk home to a small nap
I work, she sleeps
she wakes, we play
lunchtime comes
she washes her own hands
she brings me her flashcards
she brings me her blocks
she cuddles her duckie and says "nih-nih" when it's time to nap
she dreams
I clean
I plan
prepare dinner
she awakes and we visit the backyard
we snack and talk about the toys, trees, flowers, the cars that go by
dinner brings the whole house to the table
bathtime brings giggles
story time and bed come next
now mommy gets to rest

a perfect day would begin with smiles
and end with you

some other girl

teach me not to fall so fast
not to jump right in
step right off
not to trust
not to feel
so much
so fast

not to miss you
not to miss

not to speak so loosely
sweetly
not to speak

six. twenty-five.forty-seven

Forty-seven miles doesn't feel so far
when every south Florida sunrise is beautiful.

One constant I've found:
the sun always rises

and today that makes me glad