someone else's song

Undecided, undefined
Undisturbed, yet undermind

Relocated, not retired
Reprimanded and rewired

Mystified and mishapen
Misinformed, but not mistaken

Reinvented, redefined
Rearranged, but not refined

Unrelenting, understroked
Undeterred, yet unprovoked

Reinvented, redefined
Rearranged, but not refined

Mystified and mishapen
Misinformed, but not mistaken
Undecided, undefined

Undecided, undefined
Undisturbed, but undermind

Relocated, not retired
Reprimanded and rewired

Mystified and mishapen
Misinformed, but not mistaken

Reinvented, redefined
Rearranged, but not refined

Unrelenting, understroked
Undeterred, yet unprovoked
Undecided, undefined

Undecided, undefined
Undisturbed, but undermind

Relocated, not retired
Reprimanded and rewired

Mystified and mishapen
Misinformed but not mistaken

Reinvented, redefined
Rearranged, but not refined

Unrelenting, understroked
Undeterred, yet unprovoked
Undecided, undefined

by Phish

wanderlust

home
my heart is in my chest presumably

life in Tampa
is like a party I wasn't invited to

my sentences disjoint of late
my head is heavy, stuffy, cloudy
my toes are chilly

I'm at square one
not wanting to go it alone

inside
I'm throwing myself onto the floor
as a child
kicking my feet
banging fists
swinging limbs
crying
screaming
I don't wanna! I don't wanna!

photo courtesy of LuLuP

sensitivity

I feel them looking
and not seeing
spotting my form
spotting my child
spotting the missing ring
missing the band on my right
they don't know
what it means

and their judging burns holes through me
and I want to scream
you don't know me
and I think to myself
why do I care

finding myself in rare form more and more these days

To give a little background I've been blogging on myspace for a few years. They are random at best, not particularly artistic, not over thought, and unedited. They are more like a journal entry while this blog was supposed to be just for more artistic endeavors, more uniform, certainly edited, less every day language, but I feel the need to post this babbling, maybe this is where my project here is heading? If it is I need an editor or maybe I don't. I will let you be the judge of that. The following is my myspace blog for today.
___________________________________________________________here we go...


I'm trying to write in my other blog.
I know what I want to say I just can't get it out and I'm questioning whether or not anyone can even understand what I'm saying in the first place. I am unaware of how to make my cryptic words identifiable. In short, If I was reading my blog I probably wouldn't subscribe.
If I didn't relate to what i was reading then why the hell read it?
Aye. or Oi. Whatever is most appropriate in this scenario.


I have several issue bouncing around in my head that I just want to get out and hopefully get out artistically but it seems I hate everything I write right now. If you are a writer I know you've been here. It's not writer's block I don't think. I'm not sure what to call it really. It doesn't feel like self criticism because I am always my worst critic and most days I love what I write, or at least I can tolerate it enough to put it out there. As it stands I have at least 3 drafts and two more on the way by the end of the hour.

My blog project is developing, growing, changing, all that is well and good but it's getting harder to write for it, my expectations are heightening. And I'm so fucking sick of people thinking that because I write it down then it is truth, and for heaven's sake I'm not always talking about you! You are not the center of my universe. End of story. (that's about as aggressive as I get folks.)

I admired and chastised Mike for living his life honestly, this is different than always being honest, all this means is that if he didn't like something you knew it and if he loved something you knew it.
I wish I was better at telling people to fuck off when it's appropriate to do so. To trim the fat and move on, this is MY life, I am not here to make YOU happy, not here to skirt around your feelings when somebody needs to tell you you are being an asshole. Mike was never afraid to call that out. I think I needed someone to tell me when I was being an ass, everybody needs someone to do that for them. I might even need someone to point out when others are being assholes because really I let things go to easily and I see the good inside which often excuses rough exteriors. Put that together with a high capacity for forgiveness and a high tolerance for fuck ups and you get whatever I am.
Lately though I think I might call them out, I might trim the fat, recognize that fucking up with me has consequences and that consequence is being cut out like a cancer. No second chances but also no grudges. Cut it out, forgive and forget.
There are a lot of people in this world and not all of them deserve what I have to give.
It feels cynical to say those things because above all else I love wholeheartedly and I do believe everyone deserves love, but maybe they just don't deserve my love.

healthy dash of cynicism

the human condition
never more simple
more complicated

can you trim the fat
and turn inward
while expressing outward
expressing love unconditionally

can you love
and
be human

is it because you are human
that you love

is it tenderness that turns you inward

so much love
so much pain because of

accept destruction
as part of it all
accept chaos
as part of it all
it's all in you and you are in it all

can you see the beauty
in the simplest complications

can you see all things at all times

it is time to accept
the darkness and the light

because you are only human
because you are human
be human

it's all you can be
it's not an excuse

it's beautiful

Falling Out Before Ever Falling In

the language of lovers turned acquaintances
dwindles to nothing
all dwindles to nothing
and nothing ever ends
hopeful and disheartening

This Girl Part II

This girl
is ready

this girl
is saving her energy
and steering clear of drains

this girl
is running on a closed circuit system
and isn't going down
with any sinking ships

this girl
is brimming
with self satisfaction
and hope
and promise
love
and light

this girl
has a date with destiny

and as I told my friend
destiny waits for no woman

and as I told another friend
no one can love too much

lucky to the few who know
love springs from the inside
and reflects in mirrors

this girl

never been so sure

I know what is
and what is not.

clouds in my coffee

You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was apricot
You had one eye on the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner, and...

You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you
You're so vain, I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't You?

You had me several years ago when I was still quite naive
Well you said that we made such a pretty pair
And that you would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved and one of them was me
I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee, and...

I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee, and...
Well I hear you went up to Saratoga and your horse naturally won
Then you flew your lear jet up to Nova Scotia
To see the total eclipse of the sun
Well you're where you should be all the time
And when you're not you're with
Some underworld spy or the wife of a close friend
Wife of a close friend, and...

mothridden

what started out whole
is bitten and torn

missing pieces
I make my family

hopefull

Originally uploaded by hlkljgk

testing one two three

I said aloud
it'll be easy not to call
easy not to miss
but I forgot how lonely
afternoons can be
when the baby sleeps
and the only thing to look forward to
is night and the quiet of sleeping