Dear Love and Light,
Help.
Help me practice your presence in my every day.
Help me walk through this.
Hold my friends in your light and
bathe the suffering with it.
Enter this mess and
help me to let go.
Give me the willingness to step into the truth.
Thank you for the love that continues to save me from unsurvivable losses.
Sincerely,
Ruined, Loved, and In Charge of so Little
Monday, December 19, 2016
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
the natural state of things
clean dishes in the washer
dirty sit on the sink next to a bag of recyclables
an empty bottle of wine
a diaper needs changing
three cats need fed
a tiny plastic cow guards the bathroom
couch pillows lie discarded on the floor
crumbs gather on the carpet under the baby's seat
small puddles of mysterious liquid decorate the table
I awake to these things
one by one the chaos becomes order
then back to chaos
plastic blocks line the carpet
new crumbs gather
new spills
a loop
a circle
like everything here
keeps my heart full
dirty sit on the sink next to a bag of recyclables
an empty bottle of wine
a diaper needs changing
three cats need fed
a tiny plastic cow guards the bathroom
couch pillows lie discarded on the floor
crumbs gather on the carpet under the baby's seat
small puddles of mysterious liquid decorate the table
I awake to these things
one by one the chaos becomes order
then back to chaos
plastic blocks line the carpet
new crumbs gather
new spills
a loop
a circle
like everything here
keeps my heart full
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
8.17.16
ever want to smash something perfect
to see it break
for the sake of excitement
we dynamite the beautiful
to feel foreign fingers and the chemicals in between
we risk
a destructive shortcut
to something we all need
adrenaline
and the creativity it ignites
to see it break
for the sake of excitement
we dynamite the beautiful
to feel foreign fingers and the chemicals in between
we risk
a destructive shortcut
to something we all need
adrenaline
and the creativity it ignites
Monday, May 30, 2016
That Look 11.8.06
Perfection is the way my chin
fits into the space between your knee and thigh.
The way you look down so sweet
while I rest there.
I see thoughts swirl
through your heavy head.
You're eyes- so soft.
That look-
you love me.
fits into the space between your knee and thigh.
The way you look down so sweet
while I rest there.
I see thoughts swirl
through your heavy head.
You're eyes- so soft.
That look-
you love me.
I can't Help It 12.20.06
Don't fear speech.
What's in your head?
My running shoes are all thrown away,
and I am staying in your bed.
You can't sleep,
I toss only to turn.
My mind bends inside itself
trying to wrap around you
and your quiet mood.
Let me save you
once.
Tell me you need me
once.
Lie,
but please don't lie alone.
What's in your head?
My running shoes are all thrown away,
and I am staying in your bed.
You can't sleep,
I toss only to turn.
My mind bends inside itself
trying to wrap around you
and your quiet mood.
Let me save you
once.
Tell me you need me
once.
Lie,
but please don't lie alone.
Morning Breath 12.20.06
she feels him
holding her
with constant and capable hands
he breathes
she breathes
she smiles at his lashes
as his breath fills her lungs
with the confidence to wake
holding her
with constant and capable hands
he breathes
she breathes
she smiles at his lashes
as his breath fills her lungs
with the confidence to wake
She Moves 12.20.06
She moves in her mind.
To move you she becomes a goddess.
Teeth on lip
makes you think you want her.
You don't.
She is Promethea to another man's brush.
Standing tall under his stars,
her home is there.
Under a wild sky
of black, purple,
and midnight blue,
colors swirl in her mind,
the hues that keep her intoxicated with his eyes.
To move you she becomes a goddess.
Teeth on lip
makes you think you want her.
You don't.
She is Promethea to another man's brush.
Standing tall under his stars,
her home is there.
Under a wild sky
of black, purple,
and midnight blue,
colors swirl in her mind,
the hues that keep her intoxicated with his eyes.
My Thoughts on Thinking of You 12.20.06
If you only knew what I think of you.
I would tell you
if I could,
but it's too big.
Sometimes,
maybe
you can feel it buzzing
from skinny pink fingertips,
but you will never know the weight of it
so heavy
you may never rise from our bed again.
I would tell you
if I could,
but it's too big.
Sometimes,
maybe
you can feel it buzzing
from skinny pink fingertips,
but you will never know the weight of it
so heavy
you may never rise from our bed again.
12.23.06
I am a wreck
swollen face
I dove in head first
when I thought it was safe
I am selfish
just like they say
and possibly
quite shallow
so don't dive in head first
swollen face
I dove in head first
when I thought it was safe
I am selfish
just like they say
and possibly
quite shallow
so don't dive in head first
Three 2.2.07
Three
Lost,
and no, it was never meant to be.
There was no good reason
and nothing will ever
make it better.
I have to deal-
of course: what else is there to do?
I can not wallow,
but I caan
and will
never
forget.
Remembering hurts;
so much pain:
physical,
mental,
emotional.
All pained
by the loss of you three.
I named you,
carried you,
for three,
five,
seven weeks
of swollen breasts
and confused mind-
just to lose.
You were lost,
and it will never be OK.,
or fair,
or meant to be.
Lost,
and no, it was never meant to be.
There was no good reason
and nothing will ever
make it better.
I have to deal-
of course: what else is there to do?
I can not wallow,
but I caan
and will
never
forget.
Remembering hurts;
so much pain:
physical,
mental,
emotional.
All pained
by the loss of you three.
I named you,
carried you,
for three,
five,
seven weeks
of swollen breasts
and confused mind-
just to lose.
You were lost,
and it will never be OK.,
or fair,
or meant to be.
Change 07
Life is all about change
and I am unafraid
I don't roll with the punches
I chose the blows I take
and I give none
I plan
take steps
towards happiness
towards myself
towards love
and friendship
and a compassion
so full
you can not
bare to look at it straight on
it may blind you
and often does
and I am unafraid
I don't roll with the punches
I chose the blows I take
and I give none
I plan
take steps
towards happiness
towards myself
towards love
and friendship
and a compassion
so full
you can not
bare to look at it straight on
it may blind you
and often does
2.26.07
No longer having to exaggerate
the situation is bleak
every day
the air gets thicker
making it harder to breathe
harder to see
to speak
to feel anything
but tacky skin
every day
there is more
to weigh us down
to cumber
they want lettuce
that we don't have
the situation is bleak
every day
the air gets thicker
making it harder to breathe
harder to see
to speak
to feel anything
but tacky skin
every day
there is more
to weigh us down
to cumber
they want lettuce
that we don't have
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
to raise a daughter
she never taught me how
not to give myself away
she couldn't have even if she wanted
that was a skill she did not possess
I can see that now
I will teach them not to fall for
the first man who sees them
to keep their power
and in quite moments ensure it's growth
they are wonderful
they are powerful
we are wonderful
we are powerful
I am wonderful
I am powerful
we won't give it away
you can't take it
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