Each step is made in love.

Today I wonder,
does my past intimidate?
I once felt as used goods
then yesterday I realized
I've lived,
fully.
I think of all my possible paths,
the ways my life could've gone
the house in Carrollwood
the wedding at nineteen
the husbands
the five year old, the threes- children who could have been,
would have been if things had gone differently.
I think of the love-
so much love
given
received
taken.
Every choice mine,
theirs
(His?)...
every event
every step leading to today.
My life : woman, widow, mother, girlfriend.
I revolve around love
and continue to do so.

Each step is made in love
and the one thing we can know for certain
is nothing is ever certain.

a song to start my moody day

How've you been, have you been hiding out?
when I saw you last you didn't belong to anyone.

Its better now, we both got our hearts
sitting in the right place, all the time.

I've waited such a long, long time
to hear your voice again.

Spitting songs has never been so hard,
I get confused all the time...I always mess things up.

You're half mine, so when you comin' back?
Did you forget how brave you make me?

path

let us feel
let us surprise
watch the moods rise and fall
and rise again
change is here
has always been
but now
it is time
and it is good

tempting more change

Today I ask:

Why do my happiness and sadness walk holding hands?
Why do grief and joy run circles around my knees like children at play?

Why if I take one in must I take them both?
Why if I let one out, do they run after one another?

This year, lets try experiencing happiness without sadness creeping in and overshadowing.
Let's try.

thoughts so comforting

you came without a question
and I felt without a doubt
a comfort
a comfort this time last year I believed never existed
I am overwhelmed
with everything
with the love I've been given
with the love I continue to give
with the storm outside
with change
with the storm inside
with responsibility
with continuing to breathe

and now there is this feeling
so real
this feeling
that when you are near
I am home

I am overwhelmed
by comfort

and today, pain

lightening strikes the ground outside my door
I dare not go out

remembering your love

I met you as this bird
awaiting her moment of freedom
in a second I arose

you did not change me
you did not create me

you showed me
me

you saw in me what I could not

my mirror

you challenged me to trust in me

gave me the space to try it out,
to walk and stumble
to run, to crawl

to fly